I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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