Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do vagina's smell?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
