and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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