**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize