just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
