i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
