Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
