standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
