He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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