I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
