Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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