it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize