My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
