Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found puke in my bra..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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