Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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