Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
