Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
