I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
