Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
