Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
