What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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