the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
