Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just pee around me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
