So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
