Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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