She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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