My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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