just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize