well I can't set my house on fire every night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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