It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
