Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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