dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize