you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
