Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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