Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
