if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
