didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
