i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
