i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
