Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
