My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
