Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
