I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
