and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
