i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
