Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
