I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
