I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize