This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
