I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
