There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
