having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
