you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
