do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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