So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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