He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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