We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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