Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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