We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
