The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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