my sisters under your porch take her home
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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