I skipped work to stalk him.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
