My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
