I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can I color on your dick again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
