I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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