I must be too annoying 4 u.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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