if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
