Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
