After last night, I could never be a politician.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
