you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
