How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize