I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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