I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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