This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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