I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
