the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
