Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
