He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
