i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
