the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
