She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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