We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
