Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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