I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
