i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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