Im at strip club and am horny
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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