so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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