Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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