standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
