in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
