It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
