...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
