So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
