I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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