don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
