i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
