My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
