They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize