Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
