why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
