shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
