when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize