I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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