then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
