Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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