i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
