I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
