Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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