no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
