my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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