Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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