there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
