I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
