What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
