allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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